


alexithymia

by sq00p



Category: Homestuck
Genre: "thank you max" -you just now, Gen, M/M, Minor Religious Themes, This is Humanstuck BTW, also cronus listens to the smiths because of fucking course he does, anyway if hussie wont give us dancestor content than i guess i will, but anyway a big part of this is cronus has Really Nice Hands and kankri goes fucking feral over it, but not really because i know absolutely nothing about christianity, except. not really because good christian boy, generic indie white boy lookin ass, ill be real here i kinda projected my personality onto kankri a little, im a kinnie what can i say, just some inappropriate jokes from both cronus and myself, kankri gets REALLY fucking horny over cronuss hands, okay so, say thank you max, there might be more characters mentioned throughout idk, theres no smut involved sorry guys, yes there is a clone high reference in the first chapter what of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sq00p/pseuds/sq00p
Summary: kankri is so deep in the closet he's in goddamn narnia and has a thing for hands. that's it that's the plot
Relationships: Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm just okay at writing so please don't be too harsh ok

kankri vantas was many things. outgoing was not one of them.

he sat in the grass, with his knees pressed against his chest. porrim had dragged him to meenah's house party because he "needed to learn better people skills." his people skills were just fine, though. which is why he was sitting in meenah's backyard, wishing he stole his dad's car because he really didn't fancy walking home this late at night.

he heard the back door open, and footsteps drawing near him. probably porrim coming to drag him back inside, saying something about how he needed to be more friendly.

he looked up, ready to tell her to leave him alone, when he realized it wasn't porrim that had sat besides him. cronus took her place, with glazed eyes and a flushed face.

they hadn't really had a proper interaction before now, and kankri only knew who he was through porrim, meaning he really didn't look forward to making conversation with him.

"what do you want?" kankri snapped, crossing his arms.

cronus just smiled, shifting just slightly closer. "i just wanna know why you're sitting out here by yourself, doll." his speech was slurred. he's drunk, kankri warned himself.

"i don't wanna be here. i don't even like meenah."

cronus nodded, pausing before gingerly taking kankri's face in his hand and _oh good lord his hands_.

his fingers were slim and long, and his knuckles were sharp. the skin was surprisingly soft, asides from callouses on his fingertips, and _oh god oh fuck his veins_.

his hands were obscene. pornographic, even.

and one of them was touching kankri's face.

"ya know," cronus drawled, his hand still on kankri's jaw, "i've never seen ya up close before. you're real pretty."

kankri felt his face growing hot, and not just from the drunken warmth of cronus's skin. cronus must have caught on, too, and ( to kankri's reluctance ) pulled his hand away, laughing to himself.

porrim had told kankri about cronus, and she clearly didn't like him. but really, he didn't seem horrible so far, even in his drunken state.

"so." cronus grinned and wrapped his arm around kankri's shoulders. "are ya drunk enough to sleep with me yet?"

oh. there it is.

before kankri could say anything, the back door opened again. he swatted cronus's arm off of him with wide eyes, looking up.

"there you are," porrim's voice rang out. she cocked an eyebrow when she saw cronus, but didn't say anything.

"i promised your dad i would drive you home," she said, grabbing kankri's wrist and pulling him away. "goodbye, cronus."

kankri swatted her hand away as he followed porrim to her car, crossing his arms. to be honest, he was just happy to leave.

he sunk into the passenger seat, texting his father to tell him he was on his way, in complete silence.

"you know," porrim started, "you really should learn to be more friendly, kankri. you'd have more friends, for one." she gasped, her eyes lighting up. "i should introduce you to some of my friends."

kankri sighed. at this point in their friendship, he was used to her berating him about his people skills. "i don't like your friends."

"you've talked to aranea, like, once. she isn't that bad."

"not just aranea. meenah, too. and cronus."

"speaking of." the smirk that crossed porrim's pierced lip was one that kankri was all too familiar with. "what were you guys talking about earlier?"

kankri just huffed. "he just wanted to know why i was sitting out there by myself." he decided it wouldn't be a good idea to mention the fact that cronus had called him pretty.

"well," porrim sighed, her smile fading. "look, i wouldn't get too close. he and i have a rocky history."

kankri just nodded, and the rest of the ride home was awkward. he said goodbye and unlocked the door, stepping inside to see his father asleep on the couch. "i'm back," he announed, to no response other than a snore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chapter while in absolute shock and disgust over a bnha audio i stumbled across on tiktok please enjoy

the next two days were uneventful. probably because kankri hardly left his room, consumed with thoughts that he hadn't had since he was thirteen. the sort of thoughts that make your heart skip, that fill your stomach with butterflies, that make your ears grow red and your eyes widen and your mouth break into a small smile.

it was a disgusting feeling.

kankri tried to distract himself with _anything_ else, just to make the feeling go away. even the grossiest, bloodiest thoughts were more appealing and even comforting than whatever he was feeling. and for a little bit, it worked, he got the feeling to go away, to be replaced with the perpetual boredom that was much more comfortable. 

this state of boredom was interrupted by a sharp knock on his bedroom door. "come in," he called, and the door opened. karkat stood there.

"did you get taller?" kankri asked, trying to suppress a mocking tone.

"shut up." karkat folded his arms, his ~~dyed~~ jet-black hair falling over his eyes. "i wanted to warn you that i have a friend coming over. and you're probably gonna hate him."

"what's his name?"

"doesn't matter. just wanted to warn you. you might wanna leave, actually. dad says he needs help with errands, anyway."

"wow, if you wanted to get rid of me, you could just say it to my face." karkat rolled his eyes at the blandness of kankri's tone.

"just go," he grumbled, leaving the door just _slightly_ ajar as he left.

kankri turned onto his side. "god bless his poor soul," he sighed, half-sincerely, standing up. he figured since he already hated most of karkat's friends ( he grimaced to himself as he thought about sollux ), he might as well leave. karkat wasn't the type to lie to him, after all. he grabbed a pair of boots and a jacket, a soft brown one that his father gave to him when he was 14. it was kind of embarrassing that it still fit kankri perfectly five years later.

stepping out of his room, he already heard a new voice from the hallway. one deep and somewhat raspy, with slow speech and quite a bit of staring. karkat's friend, he figured with a small sigh. "karkat, i'm leaving," he announced before nearly bolting out the front door, the cold air hitting his face.

he looked up at the steel-grey sky, digging his hands deep in his pockets. he didn't even have the energy to have some pretentious, main character moment; the chill wind attacking him from the front was the only thing on his mind.

eventually, though, kankri did make it to the corner store, the ten-minute walk seeming like ten hours as he stewed in his own thoughts. he shook his head over how dramatic he was being; he sounded like karkat, he thought with a grimace.

he stepped in, the chill dying down. he aimlessly paced through aisles, the bright fluorescent lights invading his eyes and making his head hurt. maybe he was imagining that part.

"kankri." a vaguely familiar voice snapped him out of his hatred for the lights. he looked up to see cronus, leaning down to reach his height. kankri jumped a little at how close their faces were, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

( he'd like to think it was from the cold. )

"sorry, sorry," cronus muttered, trying to suppress a smile as he straightened up. "i just saw you and- and thought i'd talk to you, y'know?" 

it was only now that kankri got a good look at him. he had dark hair that he had evidently attempted to tame, key word here being _attempted;_ loose curls still stuck up in odd places. he had a cocky, almost playful, grin on his face, and a small scar just above his eyebrow. but his eyes, those startlingly grey eyes, ruined the image; they looked as though analyzing the best way to pick kankri apart, push his buttons, take him down.

and, of course, those _hands;_ they were just as beautiful as kankri remembered, perhaps even more so, folding over eachother. he tried to erase each less than appropriate thought he had about those hands.

"sorry about... y'know. all that, the other night." cronus laughed a little awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"it's okay," kankri said, barely managing to get out a whisper as he stared at the tile, praying to every saint he could think of that cronus hadn't caught him staring.

cronus sighed. "look, i'll tell you what. i won't flirt with you, although you are real cute right now," he mused, saying the last statement partially to himself. "i mean, porrim kinda declared you off-limits when you guys became friends, and i _really_ don't wanna piss her off." he let out another sigh, pausing before continuing "but i'd be happy to talk to you more."

kankri tilted his head a little, looking back up at cronus. his heart soared and dropped and fluttered and threatened to force its way out between his lungs all at once. "really? wow. i mean, i guess porrim _did_ tell me that i was too closed-off."

"right. just... don't mention that i was hitting on ya to her, okay?"

"wasn't planning on it."

cronus laughed a bit. "good to know. we can go talk outside, if ya want."

kankri nodded, immediately walking towards the exit and sitting on the pavement. cronus followed, taking a seat next to him, neither of them making eye contact.

"what's your relationship with porrim like?" kankri blurted out after a few moments of deafening silence. 

"she's... a friend."

"was she... your girlfriend?" he continued tentaively.

cronus shook his head, looking back down at the asphalt. "i really don't wanna get into that right now." he paused, redirecting his gaze to the still grey skies before raising the question "so, what do you do?"

"what do you mean?"

"like... hobbies, ya know? i highly doubt you go to random stores just to wander around and stare at people." oh, so he _had_ noticed.

"i mean... i like arguing with people, i guess."

cronus cocked an eyebrow. "and?"

"and not much else."

cronus smiled a bit, looking back down at kankri. "i mean, i play guitar. i only know a few songs, though," he admitted.

"...you didn't just ask about my hobbies so you could bring up the fact that you play guitar, right?" kankri fought to hold back a small laugh, and he swore he saw a tinge of red bloom across cronus's ears.

"maybe i did."

kankri looked away. "well, what songs do you know? i'd... actually be kind of into hearing them."

"oh," cronus murmured. "um... _pretty girls make graves_ , _twin sized mattress_ , _last words of a shooting star_ , _cherry wine_... ya know, generic indie boy stuff," he added with a shrug. "any other questions?"

kankri decided now would be the best time to ask the question that had been using his brain like a dog would a chew toy. "um... is this a date?"

now it was cronus's turn to suppress a laugh. "what? c'mon, you haven't even admitted your _undying_ sexual attraction to me yet."

kankri felt his face growing hot again, this time definitely not from the cold. "shut up, i just wanted to know. so is this a date or not?"

"it can be whatever you want it to be, doll."

_lord, forgive him for his sinful thoughts._

cronus grinned a little, most likely at how much kankri was blushing at this point. "sorry. forgot. you're off-limits. forbidden."

"be quiet," kankri muttered, earning a small chuckle from cronus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiii its 12:30 in the morning and i have to piss really bad


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kankri tries to avoid his gay thoughts 3: tokyo drift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY HI ITS BEEN LIKE. TWO WEEKS I THINK???? IM SORRY HERES A NEW CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR IT

jesus dick.

kankri lay on his bed, staring directly into his ceiling light. maybe setting his eyes on fire would be easier than having to feel whatever he was feeling.

not love. far from it. maybe.

porrim, he thought to himself, sitting up. porrim would know. if there was one thing that porrim knew, it was people.

he picked up his phone with a sigh, tapping her contact name and waiting for her to respond.

"hello?"

"i need your help. right now. immediately." he lay back down, his heart sinking into his stomach.

"what? kankri, is something wrong?"

"kind of. i mean, yes. i think."

he heard her sigh and curse under her breath. "is this about latula? i thought you were over her."

"no, no, it's not about her."

"then what is it?"

the silence as kankri gathered his words was deafening, anticipation pounding in his ears. what was around six seconds felt like it lasted six centuries.

maybe that was an exaggeration.

"i ran into cronus earlier and i feel like he was hitting on me, but i don't know for sure, maybe that's just his personality, i don't know, and now everything is falling apart and everything sucks and i want to throw myself in front of a moving car," he blurted out, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could ponder them.

porrim was deadly quiet for a few moments. "you think he was hitting on you?"

"maybe. i couldn't tell."

she sighed, and kankri could almost see her rubbing her eyes in frustration. "look, i'll go have a quick word with him."

"don't," he groaned, turning onto his side. "just- i need help."

"okay."

kankri sat up again, hugging his knees to his chest. "i mean... i don't see why you don't trust him. at least not with me. i'm not your child, you know."

"i know you aren't, kankri," porrim sighed. "it's just that... i care about you, and i really don't feel like unpacking... all _that._ " she stopped for a moment, before adding "if you really think he's hitting on you, i'm not gonna stop him. just... be wary about it, okay?"

"alright," he sighed. "thanks, i guess."

"not a problem," porrim muttered before hanging up.

kankri lay back down, staring at the _carrie_ poster on his wall. carrie's life was simple, if you cut out the relentless bullying and trauma. he sighed. stop being dramatic, he scolded himself, you don't want a life like carrie white's.

he curled up, turning around, closing his eyes and trying to think of anything that wasn't porrim, cronus, or carrie white.


End file.
